art my therapy
A few years ago I decided to taper off my anti-anxiety and depression meds. They did help my mood, but they also took the highs away. I didn’t like the lull state, I wanted to laugh hard, I wanted to cry too. And I did it being fully aware of the roller coaster I was entering. I know I have to be very conscientious about what I eat, how much I sleep, and to get some exercise in. Once the basics are covered I do other maintenance things like prayer, supplements, writing, reading, meditating, and art.
A particular morning at the end of November anxiety hit, and I needed something physical to shift my thoughts. I wish I like exercising, it is a quicker solution. But I chose to sit down and deal with my feelings in a colorful way.
So here is how it happened:
I needed something small enough that wasn’t overwhelming, something I could accomplish, hence the 4x4 inch canvas. Baby steps take me many places.
Green: is what my anxiety looked like that day, organic, multi-layered, a weed that grows way too easy.
Yellow: all the things I do to hold it together, to fill in the voids, times and spaces. The prayers, the supplements, the writing, the talking, the reading, meditating, and art that make life manageable and interesting.
White: a layer of protection I feel from above, how my growing faith finds roots even in the darkest places and times. I believe God has a purpose for it all, sooner or later it will all make sense.
I have learned that anxiety and depression signal when I am too off balance. So I have to re-visit the basics and move slowly from there. It is frustrating at times to feel that I am doing all I could and know how and don’t seem to make a difference, but then little miracles happen that tell me that while I chose the roller coaster, there is something bigger than me in charge of it all.
This is a joyous time, but it can be hard at the same time too for many different reasons. To all of us I say, hold on tight, we can do it!